When it boils down to it, I don’t feel ready to move on… I don’t feel like I’ve completely let go of hope of things one day working out with K. And I feel like until then, I wouldn’t be doing myself a favor by dating… I don’t know… How to you decide you are or aren’t ready to move on and date again??
As I’ve said before, I don’t think I want to let go of K, even though its been so long and even though he currently has a gf. I’m not making any moves towards him, but I’m my own heart, quietly, I hold on… It’s not something I can control, like breathing; it’s something you can be aware of but not be able to change. It just exists that way… Am I making any sense? *sigh*
One of my good friends at work has a guy she wants to set me up with.. She showed me a picture of him- and he seems cute. He’s going to school to be a surgeon.. He’s kind of a nerd, like me.. She said she showed him pictures of me and he said I was cute or whatever. I am interested but nervous. And I feel reserved. Like I’m holding myself back… He seems like a good choice for a partner from what she’s told me about him….. But K is in the back of my head the whole time she is talking about him… I don’t know if I’m ready to let go or move on…
Maybe part of me is scared if it could work out with this new guy, if I do end up going on a date with him… Or scared it could be another waste of time… I guess the only way to know is to meet him and see if I feel that spark.
But then there is the side of me that feels like I could wait for K. Just wait to see for a while if he and Liz break up…. I would because I feel like it could be worth it in the end. I feel like we had something so special and if we ever got another chance, with both of us (especially me) in healthier places in our lives, it could be so much greater than before….. And if not, if they end up staying together, then at least ill have more time being single to get over him… However I’m supposed to do that!
So, ready or not? I wish I had the answer…