Here is the second text conversation I had with my ex K.. This took place on his birthday in December of last year (2013)
Conversation 2 (December 2013)
Me: Just wanted to wish you a happy 25th birthday K—– ((This is all I was expecting to say. Didn’t except anything else to be said))
Him: Thanks buddy! Hope all is well my friend I was thinking about ya the other day
Aww well thanks.. Hope you have a great day ((Chance two for him to end the conversation!! But no… He wanted to keep talking…))
Where ya living now?
Just with my dad
Good deal how’s the kid?
Kid? Sorry.. Maybe you were thinking of a different Alyssa..
Sorry have multiple texts going on lol this new iPhone is kicking my ass
It’s ok redneck problems
Hey be nice now!
Just smiling.. lol
And probably laughing let’s be honest
something like that 😉 ((Again… Another spot where he could have chosen not to keep texting, but instead he opens the conversation further..))
How’s the fam?
Everyone is good.. How about yours? I think about them still..
There good. My little brother is almost done with school. Moms doin’ good and dad’s gonna retire soon
Oh that’s great! Glad to hear it
Yup- where ya working’ now?
Still at the same place, but i’m trying to get on as Kaiser. How about you?
I work for the fire department as a paramedic now- kaiser that’s cool. doin’ what?
Congrats! I know you always wanted to get on there.. Just as a receptionist for now.. Been thinking about going back to school for some kind of technician or medical assisting..
That would be cool. lots of money to me made.. Go be a nurse they make crazy amount of money!! And thank you- I’m really lucky to be able to work with them- it’s a great place
I thought about it.. Wish I would’ve taken nursing classes from the beginning though! lol. I’m glad everything is going so well for you.. Sounds like everything is perfect!
Yeah nursing is a good job… If I ever got hurt that’s what I would do… And nothing is ever perfect but my career is join’ well
Yeah It’d be a good backup, but try not to get yourself hurt 😛 and I just meant that everything you wanted is happening, so that’s good
Haha I won’t get hurt- I’m invincible 😉
lol ok.. just don’t take any chanced Superman
Haha Superman? that’s a new one… How’s bailey? ((my dog))
Mr Invincible lol. She’s good. How’s the puppy?
Big 🙂 but good just being rowdy lol
Aww I miss him sometimes.. He sure was a cutie
Still is.. He’s got a gray beard now lol
Well enjoy the rest of your birthday.. It was nice talking with you a little bit.. take care 🙂 ((Again! Another opportunity I gave him to back out of talking to me….))
Sorry got to work and we got slammed.. It was nice talking to you too.. How are your nieces?
It’s ok I understand.. Sorry you have to work on your birthday.. Guess that’s part of growing up huh? lol they are great! Excited for Christmas.. They are the sweetest little girls.. 🙂
Lol ya part of the job- but me and my partner have fun so it’s gunna be a good night. And they look like it. they’re so cute! I see the videos when your brother in law posts them…
🙂 well I hope so! Anywho.. Yeah they are the light of my life! lol I’m glad you’ve seen some of them.. I know he posts some pretty funny ones of them!
Ya they’re cute as shit… They look like good kids I’m happy for them
🙂 I’ll let them know you think so!
Ya I saw him a couple of months back at the store
Oh yeah.. I remember him mentioning it to me..
Ya… How’s momma? ((That’s what he called my mom))
She’s good. Her and her husband live over in ____.. And she’s still working at Kaiser.
Good deal… So what’s new with you? Anything fun or interesting? ((See what I mean about him pushing the conversation!? I was so happy that he seemed to want to keep talking to me… It was so great…))
Nothing new with me.. Just the same old, same old.. Anything new and exciting with you?
Lol Same ol same ol? come on- no new tattoos no cool stories? And I just work a lot which is very entertaining
Lol I got one new tattoo a few months ago.. 😛 Cool stories? hmm.. I’m sure I have a few but nothing jumps out right now.. lol I’m sure work is very entertaining for you! I can only imagine.. Anything good so far tonight?
What’s the new tat? And tonight not so much- some chick got hit in the head with a beet bottle… Last night i had two drunk brothers kissing each other after they wrecked their car lol
It says ‘this too shall pass’ and it goes across the top of my shoulder.. I’ve always liked that saying… Sounds like last night was interesting! lol
Nice!! How’s the sparrows?? ((this was a tattoo I got when we were together. I basically got it for him. It says ‘Nothing but death shall part us’ in latin with some sparrows))
Still here.. lol but it still looks pretty good. Not bad for being almost 5 years old 😛
Lol it’s hard to imagine they’re that old……
It’s hard to imagine how much time has gone by lol
Still my have tattoo..
Ya it was a good one… I always liked it lol. What’s the new one look like? Is it in english?
It had the most meaning to me when I got it.. It was a very romantical ideal.
Yeah it’s in english, in cursive. All lower case letters. Not too bold- I wanted it cute and dainty.. I might have a pic if you want to see..
sounds cool and sure 🙂
backwards but you get the idea
ya it looks good! that’s number 5? I remember 2 lol
thanks! Yeah number 5.. My Japanese kanji was one, the flower was two, the sparrows was three, and I got a tiny one of my wrist about 3 years ago that says love. and this makes five!
lol when you getting a sleeve haha
lol idk about that! so when are you getting a tat? 😉
Haha who knows…. I’ve toyed with the idea but idk
yeah.. they are permanent.. lol. I always think about mine for a few months before i get it, just to be sure I want it with me forever..
good idea. lol. so what’s the next one gonna be?
If i get more, i’ll probably get something disney.. lol i saw this ((sent him a pic of a tattoo from google)) and thought its pretty cute..
lol ya i can see ya getting that. and you will end up with more. lol your addicted
lol maybe just a few more.. I don’t want to be covered..
lol between the tats and piercings you could have an alternative modeling career!
lol that could be fun
Haha yup- i think you could pull if off you have a classic look to you (( and cue the swooning, melting into a puddle! ))
Why thank you! I always thought it would be fun to do a pinup girl style photo shoot.. or like old hollywood style..
Hell ya you could pull it off!!
Maybe one day i’ll get to do one..
You have cameras make your sister take pics lol
I should! My big sister is taking photo classes, so I’m sure she would!
Boom!!! Just started your modeling career
Yup!! I’ll let you know how it goes, lol
Although 25 might be too old to start a modeling career..
Never too old! Plus you look good. Boom rock star status
I kind of like the sound of that! ;P
Haha of course who doesn’t!!!
True.. So nothing else new with you? ((His borderline flirtation had me curious if he and Liz were still together….))
Um.. I start an academy in January so just been focusing on my physical fitness lol. trying to look good haha
Oh cool. An academy for what? and you always look good lol
A fire fighter academy for work
Oh cool… Good luck
And thank you. But i got to get the six pack back haha. And thank you it’s gonna be worth it in the end.
Absolutely.. I could use to tone up a little bit myself lol
Haha get ready for the photo shoot! So u dating again or what? (( I almost died… I mean really!? My heart’s a fluttering the whole conversation…))
exactly! And no I’m not dating right now.. It would have to take someone pretty special to come along.. lol
lol…. well I’m sure there’s someone special for ya 😉
maybe one day
Just got to realize what you want and get it lol
lol doesn’t alway work that way…
Because sometimes what you want isn’t an option.
Like I would love Luke Bryan but unfortunately he is happily married with kids 😛 hahaha ((and in case you don’t realize, I was giving that as an example but I was really referring to K himself who is in a relationship therefore not an option even though it’s what I want))
How do you know he’s happy? Maybe he just hasn’t met you yet? Or maybe he doesn’t even know your available lol ((help me decipher this!!))
It all starts with a gesture
lol. But you get my point.. sometimes what you want isn’t an option…
Eh I don’t let things get in my way lol. But I’m hard headed and stubborn
Well at least you don’t have to worry about that.. ((referring to the fact that he already has a girlfriend))
Haha yup. but seriously a plane with a note is a pretty good start
I’ll have to look into it..
Lol I’m just saying. Plus luke bryan is just eh lol
just eh? I saw him over summer and oh man! 😉
haha but his music- eh
it’s not that bad… lol
eh I’m just saying. But if your mind is set go for it lol nothing to lose
My mind isn’t set, he was just an example..
o well then that’s why your not motivated
even if I was motivated, wouldn’t do any good.
negative nancy! jeez lol
lol no! Just being realistic
lol well you can’t get nothing if you never try haha
maybe I’m just waiting for the opportune moment!
lol no time like the present
Would it do any good to tell someone in a relationship that you have feelings? I don’t think so… It would be disrespectful..
lol… and that’s why your a good person
And still single lol
eh more time to take photos!
Lol because taking photos is such a good alternative 😉
lol better than nothing ?
It’s better than meth !
lol yes, good thing I don’t do meth!
ya meth is bad haha
So did you ever find the picture? (( referring the the framed photo of the dog we had together. See my previous blog for more on this))
No… I know it’s somewhere, but I think my dads ex gf might have boxed it up in the garage… I was looking for it again the other day.. lol. Want to tell me what was on the back?
Lol nope 🙂
please? Pretty please?
Nope you got to find it
Ugh you’re going to make me go crazy…
lol don’t be. Well if you ever decide you want to let me know, you have my number.. 😛 And i’ll keep looking for it
Lol well when you find it you know my number (( and cue the frenzy to find the darn photo before I go crazy!))
Lol yes I do.. But it would be so much nicer if you could just tell me now 🙂
Nope I wrote it figuring you would find it one day.. Now it’s up to u
I’ll find it
Hopefully soon lol
Lol it’s just waiting for you 😉
I’ve tried looking for it so many times.. I’m just worried she threw it out or something..
It’s got to be somewhere. It was in a from i think. I left it at your moms years ago lol
It was.. I had it here at my dads.. It was sitting on our fireplace mantle last I saw it.. I’ll find it.. I need to! lol
lol u will
I hope so!
Lol ur still up! ((it was 2:20 am at this point))
Yup. I never get to hear from you.. I’d stay ip all night if it meant I got to talk to you more..
Lol… I’m on night shift… I’ll be up all night…
Ya I work 3 on 3 off night shift 12 hours.
Oh.. that’s not too bad.. except being up all night lol
Eh I’m used to it lol. so how are you really doin’?
I’m alright I guess…
Or you can be honest cuz u don’t sound so sure
Well to be honest, I still think about things all the time.. I have dreams about you sometimes.. At least I don’t drunk message you anymore though, right? lol
We all think about things…. And I guess that’s good lol it took a long time to stop thinking about you all the time…. ((crushed my heart to hear him say this))
It’s hard sometimes that I can’t stop thinking about them though.. I still cry over it.. Pretty pathetic, right? I don’t know why I can’t move on.. And I feel like no one understands what I feel.. So that’s still hard..
I’m sorry.. It’s not pathetic.. There was a lot there… And there’s parts of me that aren’t the same.. I get it trust me
I’m so sorry…
Because I messed things up. I literally feel like I’ll regret leaving you for the rest of my life..
Things happen…. Sometimes it works itself out for the better one way or another…
I know.. Everything will work out sone day… I’ve just gotta wait until them..
Yes ma’am… Just be you and when the time comes it will come…
That’s what I’ve been trying to do.. 🙂 some days are harder than others but I’ll be alright..
Well I want you to be better than alright…
Alright is about as good as I can be right now.. I have my sisters and the girls to keep me cheered up..
I’m sorry… I wish I could of changed things
Don’t be sorry. It wasn’t you… I needed to grow up a lot and lawn to talk about how I was feeling. I didn’t know how to open up back then..
We both did.. I was crazy stressed out for months with paramedic school.. It didn’t help
At least it all worked out for you in the end.. I just want you to be happy.. You deserve the best of everything..
As do you… And I had to work hard to get here it was rough
I’m so happy you got to where you are not though.. I’m sorry it was so rough..
It’s all about the ride :))
So what made you leave?
I felt unwanted.. I felt like you didn’t pay attention to me.. Like I wasn’t important enough to you… And i didn’t know how to tell you that, so it built up and built up.. Silly things that could’ve been easy to fix…
Ya…. You were literally everything to me…. ((My heart broke to hear him say this!! 😦 ))
You were everything to me too.. I wish I could go back in time and change things but I can’t..
I know the feeling….
Regret is one of the worse feelings.. I wish I could take it all back.. I know I hurt you so bad..
It’s ok I survived…
😦 What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger…
yes ma’am… I’m sorry
For how everything went down… that I didn’t give you everything you deserved
You were more than I deserved…
No Not true
Yes it is.. You were the best thing that happened to me. In my whole life.. And I threw it all away for nothing.. I haven’t been the same since.. I feel like I have this hole inside me, and it won’t go away.. I’m learning to deal with the pain and empty feeling, but it’s always there..
I’m sorry… I wish you would of come back years ago…. But I have something now that I can’t give up.. Even if parts of me want to
I know.. I wish I could have too.. I know it’s too late.. I’ll have to live with that forever..
At least for now…. ((Is he giving me hope!? Help me people!))
I just want you to be happy. Even if i’m not..
I kno.. But I wish you could be happy
One day I will be..
So if you felt this way… Y did you stay with that guy!?
It was convenient.. And I felt like because I gave up something so great I had to make it work. But I was never happy. Ask anyone.. I settled because I felt like it was all i deserved..
I heard.. Ian (( a mutual friend )) said it was bad… I’m sorry… Same story with Mel….
It wasn’t healthy.. I felt like I couldn’t even be myself.. I had to overcompensate that I was over you because he was so jealous.. I didn’t get to grieve.. I’m sorry it was bad with Mel too..
eh it’s life… She was jealous of you too…
She had a lot to be jealous of tho
So did my ex.. He knew how much my family love u..
I liked them :)) they were my family too
I know.. Just like your family was to me.. I felt closer to your parents than I did to my own at the time..
So that was the end of that conversation.. 2 days later I found the picture of our dog that he had been telling me to find.. thank god! I was about to go crazy.. It basically said thank you for the dog, he is the best friend and gift anyone could give him and that they both missed me….
So yeah.. I haven’t heard from him since december 20th.. I was hoping he would text me on my birthday in january, but he didn’t…. I don’t know what to think anymore… anyone have comments to help me make sense of this all? even though this was like 6 months ago…