So, I have decided to post the two text conversations I’ve had with K since I began to realize I still had feelings for him… But first, I just want to post a quick timeline of events..
-September 2012- I began to realize I still loved K, and was working myself up to breaking up with J. Also around this time, K broke up with his gf Liz for about a month.
-January 2013- I finally broke up with J
-March 2013- the first of our text conversations occurred. It started with an accidental drunk text on my part
-December 2013- the second of our text conversations occurred. I texted him a short message for his birthday, not expecting a response. We ended up texting from 3 pm to about 5 am.
Conversation 1 (March 8, 2013)
Me: I’m sorry.. I know I shouldn’t text u… Idk what’s wrong with me.. I don’t think I can ever express how sorry I am… I know it’s been a long time; it’s crazy to think it’s been so long…. It makes me sad.. Sorry.. I need to just get over it already and leave you alone.
Omg! I didn’t mean to send that… Omg.
Him: Lol drinking again? And no need to say sorry.. So what happened with J–?
Yes.. I’m so embarrassed.. I don’t want u to think I’m crazy or get your girlfriend mad.. He just wasn’t the right one for me.. I was tired of trying to force things when I knew I wasn’t happy…
I’m sorry to hear that…. And you’ll learn to hide your phone when drinking lol
Don’t be.. Just has made me very reflective these past few months.. Lol and that’s not a bad idea…
Ha Ha trust me I had to do the same on more than one occasion!
You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but why did you delete me from Facebook? just curious… I was with a group of people I didn’t really know, so all I had was my phone.. Lol
Because my significant other felt it was disrespectful… And it’s always better to drink with people ya know silly
I completely understand… I just saw you were still friends with like Laura ((one of his other exes)), so I didn’t know.. Thank you.. J– was always very jealous of you.. He would always bring you up all the time, so I kind of had to push all my feelings down…. I guess that’s maybe why it’s all been bubbling up now.. lol I don’t really have any close friends so I’m trying to meet new people.. I knew one girl…
Idk I don’t really use Facebook. I just randomly browse as needed. And I didn’t even know the guy- interesting he would bring me up. I’m sorry tho- it doesn’t sound like fun.
Yeah it was not very fun.. Always reminding me of you and stuff.. Sorry I’m probably telling you more than you wanted to know..
It’s ok… Mel ((another of his exes)) used to do the same thing
It’s alright it’s life. Ain’t it? So how are you doin’?
I guess so… Not too great lately but this too shall pass.. I’ll get over things and then you won’t have to deal with drunk me.. I’m just living with my dad right now, trying to spend as much time as I can with my sister and nieces.
Ya.. You’ll figure it out… It’s not easy, trust me but you will. And those girls are so damn cute!!! I saw your brother in law a few weeks back
Yeah he told me. I was staying with them at the time… You would love the girls.. lol so full of personality! I’m trying, dunno why its taking me so long to get over something from 3 ½ years ago… Sorry… it’s just a little hard….
They look like- I really wanted to see them… But it was too hard ya know? I love seeing the pics of them tho- super cute. Well what’s tripping you up about it?
I know, I’m sorry.. I wish you could have.. They would have loved you.. lol.
I’m sorry.. I just feel like I never had the chance to get over you.. It still makes me so sad.. And it kills me to think of what you last said to me… (( He said that if I ever changed my mind that he would probably still be there )) And my mom told me something you told her.. Just a lot of questions of what if.. Nothing couldn’t have been fixed if I had tried… I just feel like I gave up on the best thing that ever happened to me… And I’m so sorry that I’m telling you all this now, I should just try to get over my own problems.. I don’t want to mess up ur happiness..
Sorry, I guess it’s just hard to forgive myself..
It’s ok… It’s not easy trust me I know… But everything happens for a reason- there’s no one to blame we were young… We tried, it just wasn’t the right time. Don’t be so hard on yourself… But what did your mom say?
Everything does happen for a reason.. I can’t help but be hard on myself.. She just told me something that u told her after we broke ip.. She said that you said not to tell me.
What was it? And don’t be hard on yourself it’s not your fault.
I feel like it is my fault though. How could it not be my fault?
That you were saving up for a ring.. Idk if it was true, but it kills me to think about it.. I wish she hadn’t said anything.. Ignorance is bliss right?
It was just not the right time… For you, or us I guess…. And ya, had a pretty penny saved up lol
I was so stupid and selfish.. I’ve never regretted anything as much as I do about that.. I know I needed to grow up a learn some things.. Obviously… It kills me to think about that.. You don’t even know.. lol
It’s life misses, we all make mistakes we have to live with. Just don’t let them get to you it will all work out, trust me
Well life sucks lol. I feel a little bettwe now that I talked to you some.. Got a lot off my chest.. Always would have wondered ‘what if’ if I hadn’t said anything…
Lol good.. I’m glad 🙂 you still got that pic of rowdy? (( when we broke up, he gave me a framed picture of the dog we had together ))
Of course. His birthday is coming up soon..
Lol yes it is 🙂 he’s going great- he’s finally calmed down.. He’s a sweetheart
He always was… lol (( I sent him some pics I had on my phone of the dog))
Wow!!! I haven’t seen him that young in years!!!
lol I had them on my phone. The first pic was when I first went to look at him ((before buying him))
Lucky!! I don’t have any of his puppy pics.. And wow!! that’s crazy
Yup. Well you can save these pics at least.. He was the cutest puppy…
Ya.. He was :)))
🙂 lol I even thought about getting a lab puppy, but i figured it wouldn’t be best since i wouldn’t take it hunting…
I sure do miss him sometimes.. lol nothing like big ol’ Rowdy kisses…
Lol… I’m trying to breed him. got a couple people who want to use him. Ya.. I kno.. He’s such a sweetheart it’s ridiculous everyone loves him
He sure is a good looking dog! Perfect… ((He sent me a few recent pics))
That’s good! He definitely has good genes, is great at hunting, and has the best personality.. It’s impossible not to love him.. lol
Ya haha, it’s amazing how well he turned out even with my dumb ass training him
Lol you did a great job training him! He listened to you from day one pretty much.. Do you remember the car ride back to your house after we got him?
A little lol
I just remember he was crying a little, and you had him on your lap, telling him it’s going to be ok.. I remember how happy you were..
Lol… Ya.. He’s my buddy 🙂 btw- look what’s on the back of the picture u have
I’m trying to find it.. I think it’s still packed up… I can’t find it right now 😥
It’s all right.. Open it up next time you see it lol
Now I’m gina go crazy trying to find it.. lol
Haha don’t do that
I’ll look on the back when I find it…
Lol yes ma’am
It’s really bugging me that I can’t find it. I just saw it..
lol I know the feeling
So how are you doing? How’s your family?
I’m good, I’m a paramedic. Hopefully getting hired soon.. The family is doing great..
That’s great.. I’m so happy for you.. Glad to hear everyone is doing good..
Yes ma’am how your family? And you? You graduated? Where you working?
They are good.. (Blah blah catching him up on my family members) … I graduated in december with my BA in photography.. I’m just working as a waitress right now. It’s not really what i’d like to be doing but it’s a good place to work…
Well congrats sounds like everything is working out 🙂
Well I’m sure it will eventually… lol but thanks…
Time. It all it takes!!
Yeah.. One day everything will fall into place and all make sense… 🙂
Thanks for talking to me today.. It’s nice..
No worries 🙂 it was nice
I’m sure part of me will always wonder what if, but I’m sure time is all I need.. If you ever need anything, let me know.. Or if you ever wanted to catch up and get coffee.. I hope you are happy.. You deserve only the best.. 🙂
Maybe some time, and thank you – you deserve the best as well
I’ll understand if not.. Worth a shot throwing it out there though..
Well, I’m not opposed to it by any means… But I do have to ask why lol
Would you want to meet up lol… just curious
Oh.. Well I just would like to see you face to face.. I just need to know how I feel about you.. Might help me get over things.. And you were always the best.. It’s easy to be around you.. Idk- I’m probably not making any sense.. I just thought it might be nice to see you again..
Ya… We can do that.. But I am happy with my gf…
I know.. I’m not saying anything like that.. I would never want to mess up anything..
So that’s the end of conversation 1… Thoughts anyone?? This was over a year ago, and it was the first time I had talked to him since we broke up…
I’ll post conversation 2 in a separate blog.. I feel like this one was soooo long!! Sorry!