A Lot on My Mind

So much has been going on in my head the last week or so… It’s borderline overwhelming….

Obviously my conversation with K is still on my mind a little.. Things I wish I would have said or other questions I wish I had answers to… But I did get the main answer, and I’m trying not to dwell on it. I’m trying to move on, like he said he thinks I should do. I have to actively stop my brain from thinking about “ifs” and “maybes”. I can’t do it to myself. I do feel like he still has some feelings for me, but it can’t amount to anything. He’s happy and moved on for now, so I should do the same…

Which leads me to my next thing… I have a date!!! And I’m soooo nervous! I don’t know the guy well, but I’m excited to see who he is and if I think there could be something there.. He is cute, and funny, and sarcastic (in the good way)…

But like I’ve said before, I think my natural inclination now is to sabotage things before I even give them a chance.. I’m dealing with this.. I’m trying to give this new guy, C, a chance… But part of me doesn’t think I’m ready to date yet… Partly because all of this did just happen with K, and I think I still need to grieve and heal from his answers.. But I’m trying to tell myself there is no reason I can’t just date a few guys.. It doesn’t have to be serious yet…

Another thing is that I really like being single. I like the freedom and independence I’ve grown in the last year and a half… But on the flip side, I do miss cuddling and kissing and all the lovely things that come with relationships too…

I just go back and forth.. Am I ready? Am I not ready? I am still going to give this a chance. I am going to keep myself moving forward.. I can just see where it goes and take things slow.. It’s just a lot on my mind.. I nervous and excited and cautious… And still sad and hurt… It’s all so conflicting!! *sigh*

My date isn’t until Wednesday, so I’m sure ill post something before then.. But in case I don’t, wish me luck!!

Xoxo Aly.

2 thoughts on “A Lot on My Mind

  1. Yay for a date. I’m glad you’re getting back out there, even if it is just for one guy. You never know this guy could be the one that changes it up for you and makes you feel like it actually is okay to start dating again and you might like it more than you think. It could be the opposite as well but let’s not think about that because it isn’t fun or motivating.

    So the fun questions arise… Where are you guys going & what are you going to wear girl?

    • So true!! I’m definitely nervous but way excited! So far, he seems like a good guy, and I’m excited to get to know him better… 🙂

      As for where we are going- it’s a small but well know cafe downtown in the city I live in. Cute and had a great atmosphere!! He let me pick the place… 🙂 and I’m still undecided what to wear!! I was talking to some of my girlfriends today about it.. I’m thinking a dressed up casual look.. Skinny jeans and a nice top… But I’m going back and forth on heels or sandals! :p

      Xoxo Aly

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