Ups and Downs

Every day is a new day to try and move on for me. Some days are easier than others… For the most part, I have been keeping my mind off K, or J and his baby that I’m sure he’s had by now, or the date 2 1/2 weeks ago that didn’t quite go as I had planned..

It’s hard, like today when I saw J while driving home. Smoking outside of this car, like he always did. Then I started thinking about his new son… And how I wish I could be in the situation of having my own babies, but obviously with the right person (not just the first lay I could find). Sorry, maybe I’m being too harsh towards her… I honestly don’t know their situation… But back to my train of thought- I feel lacking. Having my own family is something I want badly…

Obviously everyone is different and not everyone does things on the same timeline… But I’ve just always thought I would have kids young.. And everyday I’m inching towards 26….. On the bright side, though, I’m growing and doing so much more than I’ve ever done so far. I’m beginning to travel. I’m finding my voice. And I am not settling for anything less than my dreams…

I also have been thinking about my luck (or lack thereof) with dating… As you know, the date with C didn’t go so great. Still haven’t heard back from him… I’m ok with it though.. He obviously wasn’t the right one for me…. And I may have a group date with the other guy that my friend wanted me to meet…

See? I am trying. I’m making myself go out. Trying to push myself into moving on… I still think about K and its hard not to. Especially with all the flops I’ve gone on dates with in the last year and a half….

Sometimes I feel ready for love again… But most of the time I don’t. It’s hard to explain.. I love my independence and freedom, but I also miss companionship, cuddling, having deep intimate conversations… But I don’t know if I’m ready to open up to anyone yet. I still feel like my heart is locked up… And I’m not sure if I’m ready to let it go yet.

I’ve been hurt. I’ve been sad, felt guilt and remorse, been depressed. My heart is still healing, from trying to let go and move on from K. And I don’t know if I can open up until I have healed…

What do you all think? Is it possible to move on before your heart is healed from its last hurt??

~A.

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6 thoughts on “Ups and Downs

  1. I’m not sure you can fully move on before you have recovered from the last time. Any step may be a little early. It’s always better to go into things with your mind clear. Hope you feel better soon 🙂

    • Thank you! I’ve been trying to get over a lost love for about a year and a half now.. Such a long time, but i’m still struggling with it… I feel like i should be ready to move on, just because it’s been so long, but not necessarily because I’m ready to…

      Thanks again! ~Aly.

  2. I think that you can start dating and enjoying someone else’s company after a dreadful break up to make you feel better and ease the pain. However I don’t feel that you can move on bad love someone until your heart is healed.

    • I think I agree… Right now, dating is more of a distraction for me. Something to keep me moving forward… But i don’t think I am capable of loving someone while I’m still hurting over my last relationships with J and K…

      As always, thanks for your advice! 🙂

      xoxo Aly.

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