Progressing

So I basically spent the last two days with David. Wednesday night we just spontaneously decided to hang out. Just relaxed and talked and cuddled.. God, I missed cuddling! I went home for a couple hours to shower and change, then went back over yesterday. We went to the river with some of his friends, then he cooked me dinner.. It was a good few days…

And this morning when we were cuddling, he told me that he just wanted to let me know he wasn’t talking to anyone else. And I said, “me either.” And then he said “and i don’t want to..” and again, I said “me either.” So i guess that means we are exclusively talking.. I don’t know if that makes us quite bf/gf yet. Which is fine, because I want to kind of take my time. I do not want to rush into anything too serious too fast..

There are a few little things I’m not sure about with him though.. Not necessarily deal breakers but just not how i imagined the person I’d end up with would be like.. For example, he doesn’t drive or have a car. Not even a drivers license.. Not for any particular reason, he just never got it. He rides his bike, or takes the bus places, or rides with a friend.. And he didn’t go to college. He is smart though. And I don’t think he particularly believes in God.. Which is probably the biggest thing.. He was raised in a religious household, but i think he sees himself as more Agnostic.

We are still getting to know each other.. So we’ll see how things progress..

But i do know that i feel very comfortable with him. Things seems relatively natural. He’s sweet and polite and affectionate.. It’s nice to feel cherished after being single for so long..

Oh and he may be moving about 2 hours away in October.. He lived there for 6 months, then moved back here in May, and is thinking about going back. He said he isn’t sure yet… But he asked if I wanted to move there with him. I assume he wasn’t being completely serious.. But it wasn’t like a joke when he said it either… It’s just a little soon to even think about that.. Plus my nephew is due to be born in October, and I have my cruise in October…. So I don’t know how that would even work out, even if he was serious. I just said maybe, then we started talking about how he would teach me to snowboard. it’s a big ski town, where he may be moving back to.

But how many times have I thought about starting over in a new place? Daydreamed about it… Wished I had the guts to uproot and start somewhere new? Leave behind all the memories of this place, all the people, J.. And K.. And my stressful job… Idk.. Maybe it wouldn’t kill me to consider it.. Obviously it would be a big step and a big change.. So I guess I’ll just see how things go, pray about it..

I would feel so guilty leaving my big sister though. And my nieces and nephew, once he’s here.. We are so close, and I know she is depending on me a little to help once the baby gets here.. But 2 hours isn’t too far.. Maybe once she heals from having him, I could move… Ugh I don’t know!

So that’s everything that’s going on in my head right now! lol. I feel happy and content and slightly overwhelmed at the moment…

Hope everyone has a great Friday and rest of the weekend!

Xoxo Aly.

Overthinking Everything and Trying not to Freak out

Guilty as charged.. I do tend to over analyze, David being no exception. I’m trying to keep it in check, just taking things day by day. I’m trying to hold myself back from thinking things like how we already hooked up or if he could be ‘the one’… I know it’s way too soon to even go there.. So I’m trying to hold back and not have an expectations just yet. Don’t want to get ahead of myself! But I do really think I like this guy.. We obviously still need to get to know one another a lot more, but he’s got Potential with a capital P!

He really is such a sweetie.. He texts me throughout the day just to tell me he is thinking about me, and calls me things like ‘ hi lovely’/ ‘beautiful’/ ‘gorgeous’. It’s such a drastic change from being alone and single for 21 months… And to be honest, I’m kind of freaking out. I feel myself building up some walls, not a lot but still some. Maybe a better term is holding myself back… Maybe because I’m worried I might like him too much too soon, or because I’m over thinking the fact that we already hooked up, and maybe even because I’m still thinking about K a little in the back of my mind..

We are seeing each other tomorrow, going to the river to hang out. I’m kind of nervous.. I’m sure the opportunity to go back to his house will be there. And the opportunity to hook up again… I don’t know what I will choose to do.. I’m not opposed to it. I just guess I’m feeling guilty that it’s still so soon… Maybe I’ll just go off of how the river date goes- how much we talk and get to know one another better… As long as we are getting to know each other on other levels, not just physically, I don’t think there is a problem, right?

And then there’s K. As things progress with David, I can’t help but think “what would I do if K suddenly became single right now?” I doubt it would happen, but me being such an over thinker, I can’t help but think of all the possible things that could happen with getting into a relationship soon. Am I ready to be in a relationship? Am I healed enough? Am I over K enough? or the hurts from J? If it came down to it, would I choose K or David?? I think I know my answer, at least to that one, and it surprises me… I feel like I would keep pursuing David.. But then again, if K poured his heart out to me and said he wanted to give us another chance, what i’ve been wanting for 2 years now, I just don’t know… But regardless, all these questions keep popping up in my head and making me more nervous!

How do you make yourself not over think things!?

Le sigh.

I’m sure you guys will be hearing from me about how everything goes tomorrow..
xoxo Aly.

Hooking Up

So I didn’t outright say it in my last blog, but me and David did hook up… And I’m not sure how I feel about it! Not that it wasn’t good, because it was! But just more the fact that I don’t do things like that… Ever! I have never had a one night stand, never slept with anyone on the first or second date… I’ve only been with guys I’ve been officially together with… Until now, I guess.

He didn’t pressure me. And I could have stopped things… If I had wanted to. But it felt good and nice and I wanted to. I wanted to, so I did.. Should I feel bad or guilty for that? I’m not sure…

It felt kind of liberating, I guess. To just do what I felt like doing. I stopped second guessing myself and did what I wanted to do. Taking my sexuality into my own hands…

Is there anything wrong with hooking up so soon? I guess part of me worries that if we start going down a more physical path then maybe we won’t get to know each other on any other level (emotional, intellectual, mental, ect). But I also think you need to have a physical attraction and know you’re sexually compatible with another person… I’ve usually just waited longer than this though! Lol.

And part of me worries he may think less of me for hooking up so soon… He hasn’t treated me that way at all, it’s just more of me being self conscious about the fact that we did.. He is so sweet and admiring and flattering, and I feel like he respects me.. Maybe next time i will talk to him more about how I’m feeling… We still have so much to learn about one another! Gosh, I barely know the guy….

Hmm.. I should get some sleep and stop over thinking things probably… Goodnight everyone!

Xoxo Aly.

Infatuated?

Oh geez… I think I like this guy.. Maybe more than I should considering we have only known each other for a week and have only been out twice.. But is it too soon to know if I really like him or if its just an infatuation at this point?

We had an amazing time last night. We rode bikes to this spot by the river and sat on top of an old abandoned train while sharing a bottle of wine and watched the sunset and stars come out. It was very romantic.. And we talked. It felt so natural and relaxed. And we did have out first kiss, which was great! Lol.

And then we went back to his house… Yeah.. And he was so sweet and flattering.. He definitely knows all the right things to say… Should that be a warning sign? A red flag? Or could he just really be a nice, genuine guy? He seemed genuine.. But then again, I’m not sure if I am being too trusting… I didn’t do anything I didn’t want to do, but I definitely was not expecting things to go where they did.. He asked me to stay so he could see my face when he woke up.. And I did stay…

I’m just nervous I guess.. When I’m with him, everything else melts away. All these worries… Thinking about K… Im totally being a girl and over thinking this, aren’t I?

Hmmm.. I don’t know if I should keep thinking about everything (call it over thinking if you must) or just not think and go with what feels right…

Xoxo Aly

Spontaneous Romantic

My heart is fluttering! I’m so excited.. David, new potential love interest, finally texted me! Oh gosh, he is so sweet… He said not to worry, I’ve been on his mind the last week. This is the first time he has texted me since the date a week ago…

And now we are making spontaneous plans to meet up tonight! He wants to get together and share a bottle of wine while watching the sun set! *melt* how adorable is that?! He has a spot but wants to surprise me, so I’m going to meet him and we are going to rise bicycles there…

Ahh! I’m excited. Ill let you all know how it goes.. I’ve got to get ready now!

Xoxo Aly

Moving Forward While Looking Backwards

Is it possible? To be able to move forward in life if one is still looking over their shoulder to the past? I’m trying to move forward with my life, but I can’t help but think of K still. It’s less than it was, but he is still there, in my mind.

Still no word for potential love interest, David.. Today is day 3 but we both work in the restaurant industry, so we both work weekends. I think I will text him by Tuesday if I don’t hear from him… I would like to get to know him more.. I’d like to give it a chance, if he does…

But our mutual friend who set us up said something about an ex girlfriend of his (I’m not sure how recent or not she is) who was trying to string him along or something.. Trying to wiggle her way back into his life.. So maybe he is struggling with looking back to his past too… Maybe it’s just another thing we have in common, trying to decide to move forward or keep looking to the past.

We had so much in common, it wouldn’t surprise me to find out he might be in a similar situation to me. I don’t know anything else, like if he is wanting her back or if its just her trying to get him back. Or how serious they were. Or how long ago they broke up.. Do I want to get involved with someone who just got out of a relationship? From my own experience, people need time to heal from previous relationships before getting into healthy new ones…

Maybe date two is acceptable to start taking about more serious things like last relationships? Lol. Or do I wait for date 3??

One step at a time, Aly! Lets get date two set up first…

Happy Sunday everyone!
Xoxo Aly.

Potential

Going in to last nights double/blind date, I didn’t have any expectations.. I told myself that it probably wouldn’t lead to anything. I was even thinking I didn’t want to go.

But I am so glad I did! It was such a good night! We all met for dinner, and then we had dessert. Then after we went to play some pool and hang out. I was the last to arrive for dinner, so I was searching around for them. I peaked my head into this small back room and he was the first one I saw. It may sound weird, but I felt a little shock run through me. ((side note: I always pray to God that I need something obvious to tell me when I find my Mr Right- so I guess we’ll see if this was it…)) I walked in to make sure my friend and her husband were there and that this was the guy, which it was. We sat across from each other.. I could tell he was a little shy, but so am I. I had no idea what he looked like beforehand, and I was pleasantly surprised! And he was very polite! He said I was very beautiful. And I couldn’t believe how much we had in common! Just like little things, such as hating the cold and being wet from the rain, or being homebodies, or loving to read books, and being good at math! Just a few examples, but I was shocked at how many times I said “me too, I’m the same way.”

I had such a great time. I can’t remember the last time I felt so happy and relaxed. And obviously it’s too soon to say, but I really feel like there is real potential there. We both said we had a great time and wanted to see each other again.. At the end of the night, he walked me to my car. We exchanged numbers, and he stood on the sidewalk until I drove away.. It felt so polite and gentlemanly! I couldn’t stop smiling… And by the time I got home he had text messaged me..

David: “I really had a good time tonight. You’re very attractive…and I enjoyed talking with you. I look forward to seeing you again soon. Sleep well tonight miss”
Me: “:) same here! I had a great night hanging out and talking with you too! We will definitely see each other again soon! Sweet dreams…”
David: “Thanks darlin… you too. ;)”

I am not going to throw myself into this too soon.. I need to take things slow and get to know him well.. I’m still not sure if I’m ready, but hanging out with him last night felt right. I always get my hopes up too soon, so I’m trying not to do that…. Just take things as they come and see where it leads.. But I also can’t help but feel that my cold, loveless, neglected heart has just been shocked back into life.. Maybe that’s just the hopeless romantic in me…

We shall see…

XOXO Aly

Country

I’m a huge country music fan… Wasn’t always, but now I love it! I just got back from seeing Miranda Lambert (she was amazing btw!).. Something about country music is just so up beat and up lifting. I can really relate in some way to every country song…

It helps keep me positive about life and love when I’m feeling sad.. But on the other hand, it makes me think of K… He was a country boy. Every song reminds me of him. And hearing all the love songs and seeing all the cute couples at the country concerts make me sad about him. Or just sad because I don’t have anyone (guy) there with me, singing me those love lyrics, dancing with me to those song. But since i associate country music with K, it mostly just makes me think about him and wish I could have gotten another chance with him…

It’s kind of funny because when K and I dated, I hated country music! I couldn’t stand it.. Now it’s all I listen to… Guess that’s just one of the many things about me that has changed since K. I’ve grown so much… I just wish I could have been with him like this, how I am now.

I had a good time, but now that I’m home, all I want to do is cry. I am trying to move on. I’m open to it. I’m making myself go on dates.

But I still think about K. I still feel that if he were single, there could be something there. Maybe. But maybe “maybe” is enough for me right now.. I’m keeping my options open, but what can it hurt to keep K as a possible option too? Not holding my breath, but like it or not, he is still here. In my mind and heart.

Call me crazy or whatever, but I still have feelings there… What if they are there for a reason??? What if God has K in mind for my “happily ever after”? Maybe not. But maybe yes. I can’t fully rule it out….

Sorry for rambling… It’s almost 1 am and I’m exhausted…. Maybe I will feel Differently tomorrow…

Xoxo
Aly

Restless

Had today off work- and I had a lot of things planned to do today.. But they didn’t happen. It’s just been a lazy day, but I’ve been restless all day too… \

I meant to go to the gym early this morning, but I’m still sore from yesterday.. I meant to clean my room, but again, I was sore. So me and my doggie have been cuddling and being lazy all day. At least I can say I’ve eaten very well/healthy today, even if I didn’t make it to the gym. My cruise is in 74 days or so, and I’m trying to get into tip top healthy sexy shape!

K has been on my mind a lot the last few days.. I even teared up last night and this morning. I think this has been the first time I’ve cried since I had my last text conversation with him.. Like 3-4 months ago? Longer? I can’t recall exactly… He has still crossed my mind, but I haven’t been emotional about it really. Even if he wasn’t as concrete and direct as I wish he would have been, he did say he thought it wasn’t fair for me to have to wait and he thought I should move on. And I’ve been trying!

I met and went out with the guy, C. You know, the drugging-myself-on-accident date? Yeah that one. And Ive had 2 friends tell me they have guys they want me to meet.. I’m trying

But then I see stupid things on Facebook, like this… aKg4DXb_700b_v2

And I can’t help but go back to thinking “what if”? My brain tells me that fairytales don’t happen in real life, but the naive, romantic in me says “hey, maybe it could happen”… I know, know, know God has someone great planned for me. Maybe God has a fairytale in store for me too..

I just feel like I’m running out of hope… I have faith, but loneliness is getting to me. My soul craves companionship and intimate love. And of course, my mind goes back to the last/only time I’ve ever had that for real… Leading me back to K….

Ugh, I’m so restless.. I’ve been cooped up in the house all day.. Maybe I should go out, even for just a little while…

Xoxo, Aly

Blind Dates and Questions

So this blog is going to have 2 kind of separate, kind of related topics. I’ve been meaning to blog this question for a couple weeks.. But first- blind dates!

I’ve never been on one. In fact, I’ve kind of been opposed to the idea. BUT one of my close girlfriends I work with has a guy she wants to set me up with. Tentatively for this Thursday, and it’s going to be a double date. Her and her husband, and then me and this guy (David I think).

Also, please note this will be my first date in about 3 months since the horrendous affair where I basically drugged myself by taking anti anxiety meds and then drinking alcohol (apparently you are NOT supposed to do that, FYI.

So I’m trying to not over think and get myself all worked up like I did last time… It’s just a dinner double date. If it goes good, then we will go from there. And if not, he’ll just be another guy to add to my list of ones who didn’t work out. I’m not expecting anything… I’m not even totally sure if I am ready for a relationship… Obviously it’s something I want- I want to settle down and all that. I miss the companionship and benefits of having a man in my life….

Which I guess leads me right into my question… What are your guys’ opinions on sleeping with people you are not in a relationship with? I would love to hear your personal opinions! Thus far, i’ve only slept with people I’ve been in relationships with, which is not a very big number.. And I’m all for women embracing their sexuality. I cannot stand the double standard (at least here in the US) that it is not only okay for men to have a number of sexual partners in their lives, but it is actually praised! And women are thought of as sluts or whatever if they do the same exact thing. I see nothing wrong with women having one night stands, as long as it’s what she wants and she is safe about it.

Personally, I’ve never done it, but it has been something that has been on my mind lately. It’s been a year and 8 months since I becoming single again.. That’s a long time! I know this isn’t usually a topic I discuss, but hey! It’s part of human life. Everybody does it..

I can’t make up my mind on if I want to continue to only sleep with people I date seriously, or if it might be good for me (liberating, boosting for my self esteem, ect.)… Or for that matter, I’ve already withheld for 20 months- heck, why not just try and wait until I am married. I do regret losing my virginity so early. I wish I would have waited… So maybe now would be the time to take my sexuality back into my own hands, so to speak. I know these are very opposite paths I’m looking at here! It’s just been something on my mind…

So please! What are your guys’ personal thoughts and opinions on the matter??

Looking forward to hearing some responses!
xoxo Aly.