Restless

Had today off work- and I had a lot of things planned to do today.. But they didn’t happen. It’s just been a lazy day, but I’ve been restless all day too… \

I meant to go to the gym early this morning, but I’m still sore from yesterday.. I meant to clean my room, but again, I was sore. So me and my doggie have been cuddling and being lazy all day. At least I can say I’ve eaten very well/healthy today, even if I didn’t make it to the gym. My cruise is in 74 days or so, and I’m trying to get into tip top healthy sexy shape!

K has been on my mind a lot the last few days.. I even teared up last night and this morning. I think this has been the first time I’ve cried since I had my last text conversation with him.. Like 3-4 months ago? Longer? I can’t recall exactly… He has still crossed my mind, but I haven’t been emotional about it really. Even if he wasn’t as concrete and direct as I wish he would have been, he did say he thought it wasn’t fair for me to have to wait and he thought I should move on. And I’ve been trying!

I met and went out with the guy, C. You know, the drugging-myself-on-accident date? Yeah that one. And Ive had 2 friends tell me they have guys they want me to meet.. I’m trying

But then I see stupid things on Facebook, like this… aKg4DXb_700b_v2

And I can’t help but go back to thinking “what if”? My brain tells me that fairytales don’t happen in real life, but the naive, romantic in me says “hey, maybe it could happen”… I know, know, know God has someone great planned for me. Maybe God has a fairytale in store for me too..

I just feel like I’m running out of hope… I have faith, but loneliness is getting to me. My soul craves companionship and intimate love. And of course, my mind goes back to the last/only time I’ve ever had that for real… Leading me back to K….

Ugh, I’m so restless.. I’ve been cooped up in the house all day.. Maybe I should go out, even for just a little while…

Xoxo, Aly

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3 thoughts on “Restless

  1. Just read this! It’s difficult to say, my fairytale was the relationship when I was in it, the second she didn’t want me she just detached herself from me until I ignored her and then she fussed me then she knew I was available etc she changed her mind, I’m still hoping deep deep down but it’s been 2 years and every time it’s mentioned everyone says “yeah it’s over now” etc

    How long do you wait?

    You know what my problem was? At the time I didn’t stand my ground and fight for her I guess that’s one of the regrets from me personally

    Stay strong and it’s your choice and your life, just whichever choice you make stick to it and don’t regret

    G.S xox

    • I wish I knew how long to wait. It’s already been almost 5 years since we broke up (only about 2 years since I realized I still had feelings for him).. I guess it’s different for every person and every relationship.

      Falling for K was like a fairytale. The amount of feelings I had for him was overwhelming… And then I got depressed. I didn’t know how to communicate, like at all! And I didn’t fight for him either. I gave up and ran away… It’s my biggest regrets, also.

      As always, I appreciate you so much GS! 🙂
      xoxo Aly,

      • Only your heart knows how long you’ll wait!, I could easily and would easily wait forever for Scarlett but where is she? What is she doing? She’s probably with someone else by now and by then it’s way too late, it is different for everyone…so listen to your heart my friend 🙂

        Ahhh I know the feeling, mine was a serious fairytale too, but I was living really rough sleeping on the floor mum and dad were getting a rough divorce you name it, she got me out of a BAAAAADDDDD situation I was already depressed in the relationship I guess I just didnt let it define me, then when we broke up it just hit me like a tonne of bricks, I honestly had seriously severe depression and I’d say I’ve only just started to shake it off,

        I know how it is not being able to truly communicate and also the not fighting and running away sometimes that’s the most painful part of it, some times when I’m at work all I can see is her crying and her sad, I seem to forget all the amazing memories we had! It’s crazy what our brains and hearts endure!

        Awww bless you, I appreciate you too and I want you to know I always try and keep up with everything and that I’m always here for you aly! You deserve the best

        G.S xox

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