Had today off work- and I had a lot of things planned to do today.. But they didn’t happen. It’s just been a lazy day, but I’ve been restless all day too… \
I meant to go to the gym early this morning, but I’m still sore from yesterday.. I meant to clean my room, but again, I was sore. So me and my doggie have been cuddling and being lazy all day. At least I can say I’ve eaten very well/healthy today, even if I didn’t make it to the gym. My cruise is in 74 days or so, and I’m trying to get into tip top healthy sexy shape!
K has been on my mind a lot the last few days.. I even teared up last night and this morning. I think this has been the first time I’ve cried since I had my last text conversation with him.. Like 3-4 months ago? Longer? I can’t recall exactly… He has still crossed my mind, but I haven’t been emotional about it really. Even if he wasn’t as concrete and direct as I wish he would have been, he did say he thought it wasn’t fair for me to have to wait and he thought I should move on. And I’ve been trying!
I met and went out with the guy, C. You know, the drugging-myself-on-accident date? Yeah that one. And Ive had 2 friends tell me they have guys they want me to meet.. I’m trying…
And I can’t help but go back to thinking “what if”? My brain tells me that fairytales don’t happen in real life, but the naive, romantic in me says “hey, maybe it could happen”… I know, know, know God has someone great planned for me. Maybe God has a fairytale in store for me too..
I just feel like I’m running out of hope… I have faith, but loneliness is getting to me. My soul craves companionship and intimate love. And of course, my mind goes back to the last/only time I’ve ever had that for real… Leading me back to K….
Ugh, I’m so restless.. I’ve been cooped up in the house all day.. Maybe I should go out, even for just a little while…