Part of me wonders, as I venture into this new “relationship” with David, if I am too closed off to have a successful relationship right now. Like I’m so used to being alone (as much as I may complain about it sometimes) for the last year and 9 months that I’ve grown used to being completely independent and shut off from any form of open communication and intimacy. I feel like I’ve just grown used to being this way.. And I don’t know how to change it.
I’m used to just doing me. Doing what I want, whenever I want. I’ve grown kind of distant because i haven’t had anyone around to be close to, and I’m struggling in the transition… I think maybe part of me is scared to really open up. It’s still new to me. I am having to get used to being comfortable and open with another person again. And I don’t want to get hurt, or get too invested too soon if it ends up not working out. Standoffish comes to mind, at least where my emotions are concerned… Physically I feel very relaxed and comfortable around him.. I just have this wall up around my heart, disconnecting my emotions from it all..
David has been really sick, so i haven’t seen him for the last week and a half. Which is kind of hard when it’s so new and we are still in the beginning stages of a “relationship.” Hopefully I will get to see him within the next couple days though..
But something I kind of noticed the last couple times we hung out is that we aren’t opening up and getting to know each other. I think I’m just out of practice. How do you do it without feeling like an interrogator?! I just feel like I’m so stiff.. What’s your favorite color? What kind of music do you like? What’s your favorite book? ect. I want to get to know this guy but I just feel awkward trying to ask questions!
Does anyone have any advice to help me??