I’m trying not to think about it, but I can’t help it. He wants to marry her.
Not me. He proposed. She is going to have his babies.
God I wish I hadn’t been so stupid… I blame myself. I deserve to feel how i do.
I broke his heart, and mine, and now I’m getting what I deserve.
I’m probably being overly dramatic, but it’s still how I feel.
I did this to myself.
Did I really expect him to want to try again? After how I hurt him?
No, I don’t think I did.
But I hoped. And the 3 times I texted him, how he responded and the things he said to me made me feel like he still felt something for me… And it gave me hope..
I’m so stupid for thinking that.
I’m stupid for not being over it by now. It’s been 5 years since we broke up. Five years. And I’m still this hurt?
It’s probably because I can’t forgive myself. And I knew this would happen… Or feared it, at least. I can’t forgive myself for making the biggest mistake in my life, and now my worst dread has come to pass.
He’s marrying someone else.
There will be no second chance for me.
He doesn’t want me, even after I’ve apologized and all but said outright that I would want to try again.
He doesn’t want to. Didn’t want to. And he proposed to her.
Maybe if I say it enough I will accept it. I feel numb. Maybe it’s because I’m drunk. I just want to forget. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I’m tired of hurting, all the time. And this is just too much for me to handle.
I’m so tired.
I wish I could forget…