I run- searching, (for what I do not know)- but I am running.
Escaping this prison of memories.
In every direction, I am reminded.
I am trapped, by my own mind, if nothing else.
How many can truly say they know the exact moment they went wrong? The one moment that, had it been different, would change the course of their lives?
Even still, I see so clearly the life I could have had. As if looking through another dimension to see what my life could be in a parallel world.
I’m not glorifying the past. That’s not what all this is. It’s about who he was, and what we had together. That’s what’s hard for me to get over, I guess. There hasn’t been anyone else I’ve met like him.
I am haunted by memories and regrets. I wish I wasn’t. I try not to be. I sit, like a child with their hands over their ears and saying ‘I’m not listening!’ but my own version goes more like ‘don’t go there. don’t think about it. think of something else. don’t let your mind go there.’
Ignoring it doesn’t really help anything. And I doubt running away from it will either, but I’m going to see… Long story about how it came about, but I’m heading to Costa Rica for a week in the middle of April. Like 2 weeks away from now. I’m a little nervous to fly alone, but I am staying with a family member who is renting a house down in a nice area of Costa Rica, so once I’m there, I know I’ll be good.
I need to get away. I need to be distracted. I need to stop this hurt I am feeling. Even if it only lasts for a week…
Hope everyone has a nice weekend!