Dreams

I had such a vivid dream about Kiegon last night. We were talking and I was saying all the things that are still on my heart and mind about him. For a while it was just me and him, taking. Then my family members were in the ba ground, walking around. My nieces, who I always wished he could have met. And then his now wife… She was in this dream.

Ugh. Will this ever go away? I’m tearing up just from typing that word. She kept approaching me and telling me to get over him and why can’t I let go of him and that kind of thing. 

Obviously, even my subconscious gets it! My head knows it, my dreams understand, but my heart won’t let go.

Why can’t I just forget him, and her, and their happy freaking life together? I thought I was done having dreams about him.. It just makes it so much harder when I dream of him. Brings everything back up and makes it that much harder…

It’s been on my mind all day at work. And no one else in my life understands what I continue to go through. They all don’t get it- why I can’t let go, or what I still struggle with.

There is nothing anyone can tell me that I haven’t already thought of myself. If I can’t be with him, I really just wish I could forget him. Forget we ever happened. That would be easier than struggling every day knowing the love of my life married someone else.

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3 thoughts on “Dreams

  1. :-(, im so sorry that you had a dream about him, I’ve often dreamt of Scarlett and I’m always walking with her or talking but i find it somewhat comforting and helping in a weird way, maybe i feel that this is my way of communicating with her because i know she is out of reach etc?, i know how hard it is but don’t beat yourself up about it, you are still young and you have your life to make beautiful and wonderful, i know your heart still hurts but it shows how much you cared and i get like it still but I’m reminded by people that I’ve been in love and i have loved with all my heart and that theres some people who haven’t even had that feeling (even if the aftermath is the worst!!!!), chin up and keep moving forward, you can do this, there’s someone out there i promise.

    If you ever need someone to talk about it if it makes it easier you know where i am.

    Your Friend,

    GS xo

    • Thank you.. It is comforting in a weird way. Since I found out they did get married, it’s been sad and painful mostly. It’s like a reminder that he can’t ever be mine again.. And last night I had another dream about him. I woke up around 4:30 am and couldn’t go back to sleep because it was on my mind.. Two dreams about him in one week! That hasn’t happened in a long, long time. Why now?

      Have you heard “Unanswered Prayers” by Garth Brooks? It’s a super old school country song, but I listened to it today and it kind of helped me feel better.. He thanks God for not answering his prayer to get back with an ex and he is thankful because then he wouldn’t have met his wife.. I know there will be a wonderful guy some day, I believe it. I just wish thoughts and dreams of K would stop too…

      Xoxo Aly

      • You’re welcome :-), it is isn’t it i know how you feel and i do feel that pain too i just seem to hide it well/force it to the back of my mind now more than ever. I haven’t but I’m going to listen to the song right away! i love songs that have a meaning and a story (especially country songs!!), i think its very true, look at 500 days of summer, he obsesses about her and everything goes wrong and who does he meet? someone else at the end. We all feel differently about it i mean heck my whole idea has been erased from my mind and heart, i really wanted to be a father, married and having a few little me’s running around but I’ve lost that spark (no pun intended) for love, its gone. Maybe someone will restore my faith and help me find it again and maybe i won’t.

        He’s out there for you and i don’t bullshit and blow smoke to make people feel better, you have the right personality and heart that a guy needs and would love to have in his life and someone will protect your heart and cherish it one day. Keep your prayers strong keep believing and keep pushing forward, enjoy your life and it’ll come when you least expect. You cant hurry love as they say.

        You can do it Aly!!!!!! i believe in you Xoxo

        GS.

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