I had such a vivid dream about Kiegon last night. We were talking and I was saying all the things that are still on my heart and mind about him. For a while it was just me and him, taking. Then my family members were in the ba ground, walking around. My nieces, who I always wished he could have met. And then his now wife… She was in this dream.
Ugh. Will this ever go away? I’m tearing up just from typing that word. She kept approaching me and telling me to get over him and why can’t I let go of him and that kind of thing.
Obviously, even my subconscious gets it! My head knows it, my dreams understand, but my heart won’t let go.
Why can’t I just forget him, and her, and their happy freaking life together? I thought I was done having dreams about him.. It just makes it so much harder when I dream of him. Brings everything back up and makes it that much harder…
It’s been on my mind all day at work. And no one else in my life understands what I continue to go through. They all don’t get it- why I can’t let go, or what I still struggle with.
There is nothing anyone can tell me that I haven’t already thought of myself. If I can’t be with him, I really just wish I could forget him. Forget we ever happened. That would be easier than struggling every day knowing the love of my life married someone else.